I have to say that I was in a bit of a pit last week... doing a little self-pitying... and I allowed myself to go there for a day or so before I pulled myself out of it. The whole time I was in it, I kept saying that I know better... I kept telling myself to get over it... I knew better... But I can't deny that I was in it.
Well, I have to say that when I began to feel my emotions and feelings trying to control me, that I go to the source of all my strength. I went to the Bible to hear what God had to say about it and I found him to be faithful, as He always is. I recognized that He cares about our feelings and I know that even if it's a self-imposed feeling of pit dwelling, not necessarily something someone does to you, He can pull us out of it if we let him.
I came across the passage from Jeremiah where he is lamenting that he was ever born. He spoke about how everyone was against him, how he didn't have any friends, how he should never have been born, and it made me realize that I felt somewhat similar. The passage I'm referring to is Jeremiah 20:7-18.
What stands out the most to me in this passage is the way that Jeremiah flips between the reason why he is the way he is and the feelings that he feels because of the way he is. What he knows to be true contradicts how he feels about it. This was a little confusing to me and the fact that the Lord didn't respond to him says a lot too. He basically overcame the issue of self-pity by realizing he was responsible for what he was called to do and by giving voice to how he felt about it, didn't change his feelings, but he understood that the Lord would take care of him.
So when we find ourselves in a bit of a pity party, do we sit around and complain about it?
Or do we withdraw into isolation and mope about it?
What should we do to overcome it?
How do we get over it?
These are just a few of the questions I have for you. I know that for myself, I allowed myself to feel a little pity, but then I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and got over it. I can honestly say that I am over it and I hope to have a better understanding of who I am for having gone through it. I hope that I can always go to the source of all knowledge when faced with honest feelings of self-loathing or self-pity.
I know who I am in Christ and will continue along the path that is laid out for me. I will be faithful to stay the course. I will press on. In the process, I hope to encounter little things about myself that will make me a better person when I incorporate them into my behavior modification plan. The only evidence that we are a living, walking-in-relationship-with-Jesus person, is a changed life.
Is my life different than it was a year ago?
Am I seeing things a little differently?
We must always be evolving in our relationships, growing in our spiritual development, and loving just a little bit deeper as we allow Christ to work in our lives.
So don't be embarrassed about having gone on a pity party trip. Embrace it and allow the Lord to heal you and grow you up.
Love to you all,
Lea Anne
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