I wanted to touch again on the subject of happiness and ask a few more questions. Maybe I will actually start writing that book... Freedom through Obedience...
I talked to a friend last night who is facing serious marital problems... To the extent that she may be leaving her husband and filing for divorce...
Now I want to ask this question and I would love it if you would answer...
Is marriage suppose to bring us happiness?
If we are married and aren't happy, is it the marriage or the person we're married to that makes us unhappy?
Believe me, there is no judgement here for people who have gotten divorced, I'm just trying to figure something out... What I haven't figured out is that when people get divorced, and start dating someone else who in most cases is divorced too, and those people are the most wonderful people in the world... What went wrong in their previous marriage that caused a divorce? So again I ask this question...
Is marriage suppose to bring us happiness?
I am not a marriage expert, by no means, but I do have a great marriage and want to help people who are suffering in their marriage... Just this week I talked to two people who are getting a divorce and I don't think that divorce is the answer to the unhappiness we feel in marriage... or life for that matter.
I would even go out on a limb here and say that selfishness is a lot of the reason for divorces today... You don't start off selfish, but after years of feeling like your needs aren't getting met, you start to think, "I deserve to be happy... I deserve to be loved better... I deserve.... ______________ ,Whatever, you fill in the blank... I call this attitude, the spirit of rebellion... It is when you 'By God, won't do anything more for that spouse, until he/she does something for you.' This is pure and simple rebellion and then you are left with a whole bunch of resentment toward the person you are married to... The person you've vowed to love, honor and cherish til death do you part... The person who is most likely the father/mother of your children... How is this person so much more different now than when you married them? I would be interested to hear how you feel about this and if you would be kind enough to share on this blog what you are feeling. Or email me directly at lwood@kplctv.com I'd love to pray for you as you are dealing with these feelings... Thanks for letting me dig a little deeper...
2 comments:
Hey sis,
I'm not sure I'd call it selfishness. I think it's more of an emptyiness. When someone feels like they give and give and give everything they have in a relationship and never feel like they are receiving anything in return, I don't think it's selfish to feel such an emptiness that leads to the point where one says, "I have nothing left to give." And no, I don't believe that getting married or getting into any relationship "looking for" happiness will ever lead to a long-lasting commitment. If you don't love yourself with absolute clarity and can't find happiness within your own emotional and spiritual foundation (in that still small place in our own hearts where no one can ever, ever take it away), then expecting that joy from someone else is a doomed experiment. I know this...how I love and treat myself is the fist, best model of how anyone else should treat me.
Happiness is something you bring to a relationship, not something you search for afterward. Anyway, that's my perspective and experience.
emptyiness!!! What kind of spelling is that? :-))
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